I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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