i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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