Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
