Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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