All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize