i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
