Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
