I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
