Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
