yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The adults are the big ones right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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