Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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