Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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