who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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