I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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