woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am mentally ready for anal.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
