I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
