You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
