it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
