I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
