I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The adults are the big ones right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
