she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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