Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
