i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
