just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
