you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
