she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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