coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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