Where are you?
In a non slutty way
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize