I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
