just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize