she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
