hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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