Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
