I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
