We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
