Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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