DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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