i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
