quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
