I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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