Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
