put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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