it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
