I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
