i was born a porn star she said
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
