I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
