Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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