why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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