Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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