he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
