i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
