my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
