I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
