Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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