i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
