every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
even my farts smell like vagina
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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