Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
