Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
