Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
