Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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