every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
