I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
