Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
