so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
