I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize