wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
