Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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