i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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