So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
