im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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