I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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