In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
